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[Monday
Mar 13th, 06 at 8:05pm] |
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but oh how i love that rain.
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| and just when i thought it couldnt get any stupider |
[Monday
Mar 13th, 06 at 7:29pm] |
k so she is a bitch. but i knew that. sooo wtf?
she called yet another one of my friends (@least she was actually friends with this one too) up crying and then procedes to tell them that i have been talking shit about them. lies lies lies bullshit bullshit bullshit! thankfully nither of them are mad at me because i explained that i hadnt. but omg im so pissed! why would she act like that? its like if i cant be her friend no one can be mine.im so glad she doesnt have my other friends #'s.
then,cause she likes being a dumb ass,she decides to call me a lying whore, bitch and a once again whore to my mom on aim. holy shit. wtf did she think my mom was gonna stand up for her? HAHAHAHAHAHA. and she lied to my mom about a crap load of shit anyway.
she really is the bigest dumb ass i have ever met. i cant believe you could be that stupid.
but i swear if she ruins a friendship between me and someone else, im gonna kick her ass
:)
have a nice night.
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| $%$#% |
[Friday
Mar 10th, 06 at 9:09pm] |
holy fuck my legs are sore, yet oddly enough i like track its fun and you feel good after it.
drama was ehh while on stage today, off however is always cool but yeah ehhh.
im pissed off though, or bothered ...no pissed is probably right. i just dont understand some people and how they act. i will never understand how one of my friend ships was ruined by me joining track. its just stupid.
i feel alot better now that i just bitched about it to my friends. by the way thank you guys for making me laugh and providing some good adivice.
[a few minutes latter]
i just sent her a letter. i hope its over now b/c im not going through this again.
gotta wake up early
night!
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[Thursday
Mar 9th, 06 at 9:57pm] |
i joined the track team today. yay. accomplishment.
im gonna hurt in the morning though.
[NOTE: chucks+ track team=stupid *also* no exercise+ joining track= another bad idea *conclusion* buy running shoes and strech/ exercise]
drama, track, newspaper, politicaly active, art club(havent done anything in a while), and poetry club yeah.. im not joining anything else this year.
p.s. fuck you homework
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[Wednesday
Mar 8th, 06 at 7:23pm] |
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drama is fun as usual, we recently learned a new dance haha its pretty rad :p
AND im thinking about joining the track team! ahaha yea but really i am. i think i could be fun and well its exercise which i need and i dont see the harm in trying it out, the worst that would really happenis i dont like it and in that case i just wont join again.
so im deciding cause i do still have drama and all which is my main thing.
i guess we'll see how things go. im gonna talk to jess who is on the track team about it and probably mr.butts just to make sure everything would work out.
now off to homework and dinner making. yay for the dinner part
[jackie if you are reading this: there is a message for you on myspace. i figured i'd mention it cause you said you wont check there often.]
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| part 2 |
[Tuesday
Mar 7th, 06 at 9:28pm] |
i guess while growing up you hear these stories of teen pregnancy, drugs, car accidents and other general "tragidies" that happen durring highschool and college and you just shrug and never think twice about it. you know that these things are real and they will happen but you never really think of how closly they will affect your life. i mean i never had one of those protected lifes where i am not exposed to anything like that but i guess i didnt see it coming the way that it did. i didnt expect that i would know this many people that are on probation or going into rehab. Close friends that have either been really close to the edge or actually attempted suicide. i never thought that most of the girls i know would have had and abortion, used plan B, or actually had a kid before they are out of highschool. i didnt expect to grow apart from friends because they droped out of school. it just all happened and once again we never thought twice about it because it became such a common thing. some one gets into an accident and is in the hospital or dies and we just think "another one?" and go on with our day.
and when i was in that car the other day i thought of all this, i thought of 8th and most of 9th grade, how it all happened so early. and i felt so out of place in my green knit scarf and "teach peace" pin worrying about how to get highschool students involved in overcoming our oil crisis and my lines and dance steps for drama. while they sat there with their GED's and pregnancys i realised that i no longer fit with my old friends and i realized how much i have grown. i no longer liked the silence of a group of stoned kids with depression,i didnt fit in anymore. i didnt follow along with the same humor. it isn't me anymore, but im so much happier. and that was the best part about it; i could look at who i used to be and be happy for the fact that i have changed for the better. that i know have a basic plan for my life and im excited about it. we were all growing out of it really, just in our own seperate ways.
but last night i wanted to be there because i wanted to see them in case it was the last chance i had, they are still my friends and all, but at the same time i could help but think that i didnt want to ever go back to how i was. even though i never thought i'd say this, i dont think i ever wanted to get back in that car again.
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| and i have learned its just life: part 1 |
[Tuesday
Mar 7th, 06 at 4:39pm] |
I walk in the door at about 5:30pm, after having much trouble unlocking the door in the dark, as usual. Nothing special. Then I find a note on my stairs telling me to call my friend who I haven’t heard from in months. I call the number and from that moment on the night just seems so…surreal. He says that his sister is moving to California with her boyfriend this Friday and there going out to dinner tonight and I decide to go along seeing as I haven’t seen either of them in so long and I may not get to again.
Even getting in that car felt weird, it was like I just took one step and fell back into last year. She tells me that she is engaged which I had heard around town. And then she tells me that she is pregnant. And I don’t know what to say. How do you react to you friends teen pregnancy when she seems happy and has already decided to keep it? She says they will be staying with his family and that they are being supportive of the situation. She says they both have jobs set up for them out there. And I know she has always wanted to leave here and start her life out in California. How can I say that I am disappointed? But yet how can I say congratulations? And if it was in any other situation I know I couldn’t have been happy for her, but they way things were and the way things have been going all her life I’d have to say that this is an improvement.
I see the look on her face and her body language and you can just tell that she is happy to have this baby. Its just one of those situations that you think you know how you would react but when it happens your won over by human emotions and do almost the opposite. I try to imagine her 4 or 5 months from now and it’s hard to physically see her like that. Not being a reckless teenager that’s either going to get out of here or slowly kill herself. She stopped smoking and all of that stuff and her boyfriend is even trying to quit smoking too. Its amazing how life can change in the blink of an eye.
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| ??? |
[Saturday
Mar 4th, 06 at 12:22pm] |
i just noticed right now that my wisdom tooth is like half way in. its already broken through and all and i didnt even notice it. i thought it was suposed to hurt, alot. ???
i also always imagined them to look not like molars but more like fangs. big thick but short fangs and that that is why people usualy have to have them taken out.
hey dont blame me, things like this were all left to my imagination and well this is what it has done to it. hahaha
it does explain why i have been biting my cheek latley you know and extra tooth and all.
hmmph. odd.
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| my imploding head shall be repressed by tylonol |
[Friday
Mar 3rd, 06 at 5:44pm] |
*my head it trying to implode.
*i skiped international night cause i feel icky and my mom was all eeeeghhh about it anyway.
*drama was short today, thankfully, but all the tropacana girls were sick in some way so singing was very low and blah. but it kinda pissed me off cause we were all at least trying to sing even though it hurt but lauren was just standing there. she serously didnt sing at all.
*I was made the Pirate CAPTIAN so its all cool :)[i now have 2 lines :P]
*carmelo bars make all better..or hopefully they do.
*i have a bunch of stuff to do this weekend but its all like project stuff. i have:
art sketches
book in a box(for art class)
english project
parenting project
drama poster(x2)
so yeah guess what i'll be up to my neck in this weekend...thats right art. and thankfully im in an artsy mood so this will all get done and be good.
now i must go. well not really. shut up.
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| sum it up |
[Thursday
Mar 2nd, 06 at 2:48pm] |
-ick sore throat(possibly strep ...idk results not back yet)
-out for 2 days(tue+wed)
one good thing about this is it gave me time to rearange my room and stuff.
-mr.macroni is a hoe.
he said i had an attitude which was really just me trying to yell to him across the gym with a sore throat cause he is stupid and wouldnt just come over to me to ask me a question.
i was really trying hard not to tell him to go fuck him self and etc so i was gonna cry (cause when i get really mad/fustrated and then cant do anything about it some times im just like fuck and almost cry ...humhp) so i left and blah blah blah w/e i dont care
-i bought land of the dead (which i have yet to see) yayyy!!! + a b-day present for mark [if you are reading this and you are mark then i shall now tease you because you dont know what the present is ahahahhahahahahahahahah!]
-ummmm so i have to: clean my room & find something for international night && i forgot
yay?
k all done
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| [a skit i supose] |
[Monday
Feb 27th, 06 at 8:59pm] |
[i'd like you to imagine on the kitchen floor two teenagers talking to each other]
hey we should play swing music,
every one would dance to that,
that would be funny,
yeah swing music haha,
yeah we should,
swing music!!
woo swing!!
and the toadies,
the tonys?
no the toadies
the tonys..cool
no uh whatever swing music!
yeah!
how many have you had?
uh 3
yeah me too....wait a minute we had 3 like 3 ago...
fuck
[both break into laughter]
end scene
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| Fredonia! |
[Sunday
Feb 26th, 06 at 10:07pm] |
so we (me and mark) went to fredonia on friday morning and jus t got back tonight(ahhh busses kinda suck)
but it was supper fun and now i want to go to fredonia even more then i already did. the entire time i was there i was sooo pissed that i didnt have a camera cause there was just awesome photo opps.
it was really cool to see kelly and meet all of her college friends and stuff. we went to this thing called random acts (kinda like whos line but w/college kids) and it was drag themed that night. it was so fucking funny.kelly got this new video game called "chibi-robo" which is officialy the best game and we played it lots :P
they also had a dance party which was really fun, mainly cause i was drunk haha.
[NOTE TO SELF: dont get really drunk the night before a 7 hour bus ride. your head and stomach hate you for that.]
it was soo awesome to be able to hang out with a group of people that i dont really know but every one still gat along and was just really cool.mmm and we made good food, well they did i doubled as a counter w/ margeaux ahaha.
so basicly im sleepy, and fredonia is pretty sweet. along with kelly, BC, andy and well every one else.it twas super fun and i <3 you guys big time. i hope i get to visit again some time(cause soon i can drive *evil-ish laugh*)and hopefully i will get to see mopery and the no tell motel play.
yay for getting out of unadilla w/friends
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| the only kinda drama i like |
[Wednesday
Feb 22nd, 06 at 8:41pm] |
so i did nothing in drama today...hmph. and i kinda feel bad that i am going to miss 2 practices. and i have to really get moving on that poster, i have the basic idea i just have to make it into a final. i finaly got the tape of play on and i watched it not too long ago;
while watching it i rembered how fun that, being my first play and all. the cast was just soo amazing and fun. and of course i still rember almost all my lines haha. it had all the extras that were filmed before the show and i think that was the best part because it was just all of us messing around and putting on our tons of make-up and getting ready for the show. you could hear all the music that we were listening to(surprizingly i did not hear the RENT sound track :P) but it was just soo great to hear all that again. god i love drama. i love the nerves before the show. i love the whole feeling of being in that small room between band and chorus where you can just feel the tension and emotion of everyone. i love the fact that half of us hide from the camera and then get on a stage to preform infront of a live audiance. i love how every one sings to all the music we play. i love the drama cheer.
and i cant wait to do it again.
<3
P.s.
you will probly hear this over and over again ...get used to it :P
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[Monday
Feb 20th, 06 at 11:07pm] |
bolwing is fun, i sucked it for the first game though. yeah hard core too. 0 0 0 0 0 (that was my score) my final was like 33 ahaha. but i got better. and hit a virtual zebra with a car. lauren has odd ways of bolwing like throwing it backwards and still hitting like 8 pins. but it was fun.
cause we rock like that.
my hand is really fucking cold.holy hell.
this weekend was good, i finaly got to hang out w/olivia like we have been trying to. i also got to stay at my bro's for a day. sweetness. drama tomarrow. and homework. and cleaning. pooof.
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[Monday
Feb 20th, 06 at 5:00pm] |
i gave her a taco, she gave my a bud. fair trade i say.
(found at urbandictionary.com)
2. bisexual
The ability to reach down someone's pants and be satisfied with whatever you find.Jane is bisexual
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| a good day. with pirates. ahaha |
[Wednesday
Feb 15th, 06 at 9:59pm] |
This has been a remarkably good day.
this morning i listened to the dreseden dolls cd that kelly had burned me while i was on the bus. and i just felt better. it reminded me first of the bus ride from D.C. to here when i was reading survivor and i just love traveling so that made me happy. then it just reminded me of summer. of everything being sunny and warm and oddly rainy and the fact that this past summer was probably the best summer i have had, so it just put me in a good mood. and when talking to austin last night he mentioned that "girl anachronism" was my theme song. and it totaly is. hahaha, it just realy is fitting. so my bus ride was all happy and productive cause i got my french hw done. *music rules.
and then in drama i was told that i was a tropacana girl and i was all "awwww i wanna be a pirate...mmmm..." but oh well w/e it will still be fun. then i realize that we sing el bravo and thats the song that the pirates are in. so i kinda just sat there like "do we sing with them or are we pirates too? are we pirates? huh huh huh? pirates pirates? am i a pirate?do we double as pirates? ..."
and guess what! we do! im a tropicana girl/pirate!!!
yay pirates!! weeeeee sweeeeeetness!!! that totally made my day.sweet. awesome. ahahahaha! yesssssssssss. bitches. hehehehehee.
P) [its a pirate smiley..w/an eye patch get it?]
i feel better :]
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| this countrys education programs suck |
[Tuesday
Feb 14th, 06 at 11:36pm] |
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my family is just sucky when it comes to being parents.
thankfully i have austin to discuss this retarded ness with. even though sometimes we fucking wanted to stab each other, he is still the coolest cosin and the only one in this family that i can really talk to anymore. the rest have gone retarted. and he is going through the same basic stuff so its easier any way.
well im stressed and exausted and stressed.
fucking hell im never gonna get anywhere this way *smack*....oww.
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[Tuesday
Feb 14th, 06 at 6:59pm] |
(a short letter explaining how my cats hip got shattered to nile)i just didnt feel like writing it al over again.
umm we assume a very large animal,i dont really know. but i do know that we took it to the vet and we all(including the vet) thought it was just an infected injury so he cut it open to drain it and was like ...wtf theres nothing there?! uhhh x-ray! and then he realized that the hip bone was shatered and called and asked us if we were sure the cat had been walking on it for a few days (we said yes and even up and down stairs) and he was like wtf your cat is tough ...and has to have surgery ness.
so now he has to live in one of those large dog crates for like 8 weeks and has has this creepy looking tube going through his hip to constantly drain out fluids and hes got all these holes in him, its really not very pleasant. yet all of this is made slightly better9for me at least) cause he has a shaved ass and a cone on his head which ofcourse they tied on with a pink ace bandage in a bow hehehe.
anyway they said something much larger than it must have picked it up in its mouth and swung it around and shit and he is ultra lucky he lived. crazy cat
latter
------------------------------
i wanted to post some pictures but my camera is being gaaaaayyyy so i will latter.
:P
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| HOLY FUCK papier is crazy hurt and crazy tough |
[Monday
Feb 13th, 06 at 10:32pm] |
holy fuck my cat is a tough bastard.
i didnt go to school today cause i had to take him to the vet cause we thought he had an infected cut/injury. the vet argeed that thats what it looked like, he had to stay over night, they were gonna drain it and we could pick him up in the morining. not that big of a deal.
of course that is not the end, it couldnt just be simple.
the vet calls and tells us that he found out that the cat did not have an infection. so he did an x-ray and found out that his hip was basicaly shatered. fuuuuuck. he isnt really allowed/cant walk for 8 weeks. i have to take super close care of him.he will probably have arthritis for the rest of his life. :(
my poor kitty baby!
and i have to go to the vets tomarrow to look at the x-rays and so he can explain everything to me about whats going on, what they are going to do and what i have to do for the next 8 weeks.
the vet also mentioned that what ever he got into a fight with must have been much much larger than him like a mountain lion or something and he is surprised he lived.my kitty is so tough. and that why he didnt come home for a bit over 2 days was probably cause he got knocked out.
the fucking thing has been going up the stairs and walking around on a shattered hip!! and hasnt even made one sound of pain!!!
super cat.with super strenth.and super resistance to pain. papier the super orange papper cat.the sillyest cat ever.
here is a picture of my super tough super silly cat,papier:
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| mother:(noun)-a woman who gives birth to, or raises and nurtures a child |
[Monday
Feb 13th, 06 at 4:40am] |
last night my mom cleaned the house. she vacumed and swept the floors. she cleaned the kitchen and rearanged things. she finally got rid of those ugly plastic table clothes and just used the placemats. our table was no longer a storage area, but a place to eat.i helped her move the wood and she thanked me. she was making dinner with out complaining.
This may not seem like anything to you, but to me its my mom actually acting like a mother for once.
she listened to me and we ate at the table together while listening to the sunday night radio.we laughed.together we laughed. that was suposed to be how things were. where did it go?
you used to be able to take pictures of her,she would shine in them,like young pictures of janis joplin she had life in her. somewhere along the road it died though. it was buried in problems and stuggles.someone labled it a "treated" her but all it did was supress her more.she changed and he changed and life changed before i even knew what it really was.
and now we live in this dim place where she yells at the abyss and rembers nothing. i hold grudges because she should have seen it coming. because even i knew it was coming. because they never planed ahead for us. as if we werent expected to make it.because it wasnt that hard to just care for a minute.to listen. to support us with love and devotion.
Now i look at her with anger because she doesnt know the things that she should. i asked her for help and she blocked it out. because they dont show that they care. and im tierd of trying to tip toe around her so things can be calm. im tierd of her excuses and her problems that by now she should have under controll. im tired of her ass hole boyfiends and ex-husbands that are always drunk and always ruining our lives alittle bit more.im tired of how the family treats us and how she cant get along with any one.
im tierd of thinking that im the only one thats really still alive in this family, even though im so numb.
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